A break-up can damage the heck out of you. In a flash. Life seems too excruciating to bear on your own. You don’t really know what to do with yourself, you’ve been doing everything for two. After a while, you get used to being single again.
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In theory, you know how things work. In practice is a different thing altogether. Everyone around has an approach to surviving a painful break-up but, let’s face it, no one experiences it in the same way. Truth is, the only way to bounce back from a break up is to give it time. Research has shown that people actually overestimate how long they need to overcome a painful split.
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Science can help you figure it all out, with some proven techniques that make your misery go away. Here are some tricks to speed up the recovery process:
1. Don’t become a stalker
According to a study published in the journal Cyberpsychology in 2012, people who stalk their exes on Facebook are more likely to have negative feelings about that person or to desire them, ultimately being less likely to get over the break-up. Renounce yourself from this distress and try to endure that impulse to see what your ex has been up to since your paths parted.
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2. Don’t believe there’s something wrong with you
Do not assume that something is wrong with you. Studies suggest that the ability to overcome a breakup has a lot to do with your sense of self. Researchers found that those who felt rejection the hard way, making them question who they really are, have a harder time coping with the separation. On the other hand, people who acknowledge that two separate individuals can simply not belong together, have an easier time with it.
3. Write about the bright side of the relationship
Apparently, journaling your break up on paper can make you feel worse, research shows. But a study published 2015 in the journal Social and Personal Relationships claimed that writing about the silver lining of the separation can have a positive effect on you. This specific type of journaling, putting down on paper the story of how you turned a bad experience into a positive one, has been shown to help people a lot.
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4. Talk about the split
Though you may think to talk about the recent break up is of little avail, since it’s just digging into a painful past, learn that it might be good for you to let it all out, a recent survey shows. They say it’s all about looking at the past in an objective way.
5. Draft the portrait of your ideal partner
It’s really important to know exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. Scientists suggest sketching your dream partner’s portrait, with on-point demands, like ‘They must make me laugh’ or ‘I really want to feel that sexual chemistry’. Maybe you’ll reach the conclusion you actually need an outgoing personality by your side while you’ve been going out with quiet people all along.
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