Nobody can escape arguments in their relationships. But the good news is that there is such a thing as healthy fighting. Here are 3 tips to make it so.
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Basically, an unhealthy fight is one whose cause is an attempt to control one of the partners. On the other hand, it does make sense to fight about the following things:
1. Something that can be changed
A common mistake couples make is to fight about the past. No matter if the fight is about the shared past or the individual one, there’s no point in arguing about something that you cannot change. But if the fight is about one of the partners not feeling heard or neglected, this is the kind of thing that should be discussed and solved.
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2. A hurtful behavior
The fact that your partner has a different opinion than you, a different view on a subject that concerns you both is not a reason to get personal and insult each other. On the contrary, having different perspectives on an issue can be beneficial. But if one of the partners has a pattern of hurtful behavior, if they insult or shame the other, this is a problem that must be addressed and solved.
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3. A specific situation
When people fight about a specific situation, a here and now kind of problem, the chances for solving the problem are greater. The danger comes from over-generalizing (“You always do this!”), bringing up things from the past or trying to manipulate your partner in order to get your way. As relationship expert, Kryss Shane, says: “The end of a healthy fight is typically either laughter, a solution, or a decision about how or whether to continue to figure this out.”
It might not be easy, but you can transform the fights with your partner in opportunities for growth and self knowledge. Please, share this!
