When we interact with loved ones, we also interact with a piece of ourselves. Any relationship or attachment to a person reflects back what we believe about us. In that sense, strong emotional bonds become a mirror which can sometimes show distorted images.
So why is it so easy to hurt someone, no matter how much we love them?
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The sad truth is that no relationship can escape hurt or anger or disagreements or resentment. These are all human emotions and it’s only natural that we experience them, especially when we get very close to someone.
But there are couples out there who suffer a great deal because they keep hurting each other although they want the pain or the blame to stop. One solution would be to get to the core problem and realize what exactly is causing all those issues. And the answer might surprise you.
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It comes down a lot to how we perceive ourselves and what kind of reflection of us we see in other people. Imagine that if a child has had to deal with a raging, always angry or even abusive mother, they will develop a very negative image of themselves. They will experience that sense of unworthiness and rejection as adults as well, most likely in their romantic relationships.
And if they end up hurting their partner so easily, it’s because they think they are unlovable and so project their own insecurities upon the other. In that sense, what causes the argument is more internal than external.
Now imagine a child has grown up with very loving, caring, and understanding parents that made them feel like they are strong and can do anything. That child will develop a high self-esteem and will believe as an adult that they are lovable and worthy of a loving partner.
So we should be blaming that mirror when we end up hurting the one we love.
A painful childhood will very often bring about painful romantic relationship. When we hurt them, we are in fact not punishing them, but ourselves. We simply attack the mirror because we don’t like the reflection.
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One of the best things you can do to stop this cycle of pain is to stop thinking of it as a punishment from someone else. Try instead to let it motivate to learn things about yourself and to let yourself heal and improve as a human being.
Think of this pain as a sign to let it strengthen the bond you have with your loved one. This is the only way you will grow together and inspire each other.
Always show compassion and forgiveness to your loved one!
