Many people, and especially women, have been advised to play hard to get one time or another. But is it good advice? And what is behind this kind of behavior?
The first question to ask ourselves is why do people who play hard to get are successful? Apparently, for some of us, their indifference and unresponsiveness triggers the competitive drive in us. The more they retreat, the more we want to make them like us. Seduction becomes a battle of the wills. They also trigger our curiosity: who is this mystery man or woman who just won’t let us near them?
New psychology research on this subject concluded that the hard to get approach usually works, but only in the short term.
And that’s because the people who use this tactic are not desirable long term partners. They display personality traits that make them incompatible with healthy relationships. They usually are distant, manipulative and having narcissistic tendencies.
Another conclusion of the research is that people who engage in hard to get tactics are actually using a defensive strategy. They retreat and in doing so, they don’t risk anything. What motivates such behavior is usually low self-esteem, the conviction that they are deeply flawed and that should do everything in their power to keep their weakness hidden. They protect themselves against a potential rejection.
The opposite can also be true: they might think of themselves so highly that they consider themselves to be a prize to be won only with great effort.
So next time you meet someone who seems interested in you at first, but immediately says they are busy, they become unreachable or simply disinterested, or if you are tempted to play this game, ask yourself what is hidden behind it. What is the self-image that the person who behaves like this wants to project?
In other words, being sincere and authentic is the best strategy. There’s no need to play foolish games. Please, share this!