Grieving is a mysterious but often benevolent process. We don’t get to hear a lot that pain is, in fact, nurturing. But when we’re in the grips of suffering, we tend to focus on what went wrong, or rather, what we did wrong.
It’s important to know though that whatever you’re going through right now is natural. Painful, as loss always is, but fleeting. Losing someone you love is one of the most devastating experiences humans know. Here are 8 things you should learn to let go of in order to heal.
1. Not being able to save the relationship
When we don’t foster acceptance, we’re ruminating instead on what we should have done better. We blame ourselves for some things we said or did. And we erroneously think that we’re the only ones responsible for our heartbreak. Learn to embrace a new perspective and you’ll feel more liberated.
2. Not grieving the way you think you are supposed to be grieving
This is another thing we tend to blame ourselves for. When in fact, there is no specific way in which we are supposed to be grieving. And there’s no time limit either. So make sure you don’t put any pressure on you for still aching. You will get over it when you get over it, in your own time.
3. Feeling guilty for wishing others to have felt your pain
This kind of thought sometimes crosses our mind and then, of course, we feel guilty right away. But it’s not because we want a tragedy for those around us. All we wish for is to be understood and supported. So this comes from the desire to share our experience of loss with someone at the deepest level.
4. Feeling that this is permanent
Grieving is a process, but it’s not an endless one. One of the biggest emotional blockages occurs when we’re unable to take into account the larger perspective. Knowing that this too shall pass brings you just one step closer to finally moving on.
5. Feeling guilty for not being able to control your emotions
Crying all the time or being moody can have a serious impact on you. It can make you feel you’re no longer in control of your emotions and that could make you even more emotional or agitated. Don’t blame yourself for any emotions you may be going through. Learn to observe them with detachment and watch them come and go. This is the only thing that will bring you inner peace.
6. Feeling remorse and resentment
Regrets only keep us stuck. We can shift our perspective and think about how we can avoid making the same mistakes again. There is really no time for feeling sorry for ourselves.
7. Reliving the past
Dwelling on bad memories has never helped anyone come to terms with their loss. It only triggers unpleasant thoughts that turn into turmoil and that keep us in an unhappy place. Choose to be in the moment, right here.
8. Feeling guilty for moving on
This is a rather strange thing to feel guilty about, but it happens. We often tend to cling to a past love and not allow ourselves to let go for different reasons. Maybe we feel we should keep them in our hearts forever. But the truth is you can do that and heal at the same time. Forgive, keep an open heart, but get on with your life.
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