People in our society tend to take monogamy for granted. For many of us, even the simple mentioning of alternatives can anger us or bring us into the brink of depression.
Psychologists and scientists alike agree that there is nothing in our biology or psychology that would predispose humans to mate for life.
Monogamy is a social contract with more value for society than for the individual. But the monogamous ideal is still strong and the fact that we are living in the hookup culture is a conflict worth exploring.
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To make things simple, we may think that there are two kinds of people in the world: the devoted and the sensualist.
For the devoted, sex is an expression of love.
Wanting to have sex with somebody else signals a breach of confidence and therefore the imminent death of love.
For the sensualist, sex and love are not the same.
Wanting to explore other sexual relationships has less to do with the current relationship as it does with the acceptance of his or her sensual nature.
Aren’t there other ways to betray a partner other than having sex with somebody else? Isn’t it unfair to expect total fulfillment from somebody else? Isn’t the imposed moral standard just a fancy word for jealousy?
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On the other hand, the devoted has a more realist view on the human psyche. He/she knows that we are all fragile. That to create a true relationship takes time, energy and effort, all that somebody who is busy fooling around won’t be able to invest.
There are few of us who can imagine their partner kissing or even holding the hand of somebody else without feeling betrayed and rejected. Why then pretend that having sex is just a sport and it does not really matter who’s your partner?
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The problem is that they are both right, there’s not solution to the dilemma.
Monogamy is not natural, is hard and sometimes maddening. But infidelity brings about insecurity, lack of trust and other mental tortures.
There seems to be no rational way out of this, since every alternative involves a risk and a loss.
So maybe it’s a matter of faith. And finding that one person who shares your view on life and love.
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