When we look for a partner, most of times we want to find somebody who can share our world views and our values. Who can understand what motivates us and what makes us tick. We want somebody who is similar to us and to whom we don’t have to explain our every gesture and word. But maybe there’s something else that can predict the success of a relationship.
It’s a wonderful feeling to have somebody by our side who agrees with us on every problem, who finds no fault in our behavior and who has the same values as we do. But this mirroring relationship will probably not go very far.
The problem with this kind of relation, comfortable as it may be, is that it doesn’t give us the opportunity to grow. When your partner is the same as you, all your limits, insecurities and shortcomings will duplicate themselves.
There’s nobody there to make you leave your comfort zone, to confront what you need to confront and to expose you to new and interesting things. But if your partner has a different personality, a different background or just doesn’t have the same beliefs as you, you will be forced to rethink everything that you thought you knew about the world. You will have to find new and better reasons to justify your beliefs. You’ll have to defend your actions in front of somebody who challenges just because they care.
By seeing things from their perspective, your world becomes bigger and richer. And that will make you evolve as a person.
If you are a shy person, date somebody who is outgoing. If you tend to go off easily, find somebody who is calm. You will be able to change the things you want to change about yourself while having somebody dear nearby, ready to catch you if you fall. The fear you felt when you decided not to learn how to ride a motorcycle will disappear if your partner is there to teach you. He will learn to dance if he shares the dance floor with you.
You cannot do that with somebody who has the same fears as you do and the same limitations. The other can and should make you want to be a better person. A fearless person. Please share this!