Most of us who have gone through heartache know it can be absolutely devastating. What’s even more devastating is the after-effect, the long months of trying to make sense of what really happened.
When a relationship ends, we’re under the impression we’ll never ever be able to get over it. Also, we think we’re missing our partner so much, when in fact, we miss ourselves with them too. We miss how happy we were and how they made us feel.
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Although the relationship may have been toxic and hurtful for us, we still cling to it for some reason. Why do we do it? We would definitely not cling to a job that made us miserable.
But when it comes to emotions, everything is complicated. There’s something about romantic love that triggers our deepest emotions, our egos, our past pain, childhood trauma, insecurities, fears. Yes, all the heavy stuff. And when it ends, it’s chaos and hell. And it will certainly take months if not years to clean up the emotional mess.
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So here’s why it’s so hard to get over him:
1. You were emotionally attached
This makes it really difficult to walk away from the relationship. Maybe you were confusing love with infatuation or attachment. Maybe he was just filling up the void, he made you feel (even if only for a while) that you were good enough. And you kept going back for more. He even got away with bad behavior. You weren’t being treated as you should be treated, and yet, you chose to stay.
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2. You think you’ll never find someone like him
This thought alone is enough to keep you stuck in the past. We believe that just because we’ve never experienced anything like it before, we never will again. Our minds turn their focus towards the positives of the relationship and the kind of person they were.
But if he broke up with you, then he wasn’t really exactly what you need in your life, right? Chances are you will find someone better and more compatible.
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3. You idealize the past
Most of us tend to remember only the good times and the happy bits of a relationship. This, again, makes it really hard to get over someone. But try to be honest with yourself about how things were. Remember that had there been only happy moments, the relationship wouldn’t have ended. There was agony too and maybe you should feel relief at the thought that it’s gone now.
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4. You took the rejection personally
Rejection hurts and stings and we wish we’d never have to go through it. Once a relationship you put so much into is over, you feel worthless. You feel like you weren’t good enough for him. Like things could have worked out if you did this or that thing. But that’s absurd.
It’s time to focus on rebuilding yourself and your life. You are enough.
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