A break-up can damage the heck out of you in a flash. Life seems too excruciating to bear on your own. You don’t really know what to do with yourself, you’ve been doing everything for two, just to paraphrase The White Stripes’ awesome song. To be single is something that can be learned. To be good at being single is another thing that, with time, can be mastered.
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In theory, you know how things work. In practice, though, is a different thing altogether. Everyone around you has a theory about surviving a painful break-up but, let’s face it, no one experiences it in the same way. The truth is that the only way to bounce back from a break up is to give it time. Research has shown that people actually overestimate how long they need to overcome a painful split.
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Science however can help you figure it all out, with some proven techniques that make your misery go away. Here are some tricks to speed up the recovery process:
1. Don’t become a stalker
According to a study published in the journal Cyberpsychology in 2012, people who stalk their exes on Facebook are more likely to have negative feelings about that person, to desire that person and are ultimately less likely to get over the break-up. Renounce yourself from this distress and try to endure that impulse to see what your ex has been up to since your paths parted.
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2. Don’t believe there’s something wrong with you
Do not assume that something is wrong with you. Studies suggest that the ability to overcome a breakup has a lot to do with your sense of self. Researchers found that those who felt rejection the hard way, making them question who they really are, had a harder time coping with the separation. On the other hand, people who acknowledged that two separate individuals can simply not belong together had an easier time with it.
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3. Write about the bright side of the relationship
Apparently, journalling your break up on paper can make you feel worse, research shows. But a study published 2015 in the journal Social and Personal Relationships claimed that writing about the silver lining of the separation can have a positive effect over you. This specific type of journalling, putting down on paper the story of how you turned a bad experience into a positive one, has been shown to help people a lot.
4. Talk about the split
Though you may think talking about the recent break up is of little avail, since it’s just digging into a painful past, learn that it might be good for you to let it all out, a recent survey shows. They say it’s all about looking at the past in an objective way.
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5. Draft the portrait of your ideal partner
It’s really important to know exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. Scientists suggest to really draft the portrait of your dream partner, with on point demands, like ‘They must make me laugh’ or ‘I really want to feel that fiery attraction’. Maybe you reach the conclusion you actually need an outgoing personality by your side but you’ve been going out with introverted people.
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