When we fall in love, we feel exhilarated, like we’re on the verge of a new life, full of possibilities. We don’t seem to remember there was a time when we were unhappy. And we also don’t seem to realize things will never be as bright as they are now.
Unfortunately for us, the euphoria, the mad love we experience in the beginning, wears off. This goes for any relationship, no matter the context. It’s true that the amount of time differs. But things change, sometimes even abruptly, and we don’t know why. It would be easy to point towards time and boredom as something that wears off our feelings as it does with a pair of jeans.
But maybe this is not inevitable, maybe there’s a better explanation.
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It might be useful to think about the part of us who loves as a small child, as a vulnerable and silly being.
Even though we might present ourselves in the world as confident wise adults who know how life works, the little child within has other plans.
It gets upset when our partner interrupts us, when they don’t listen to us and chances are they will throw a tantrum.
Of course, we will not recognize that and even get more upset if the idea is suggested to us.
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So when your partner is distant, irritated or angry, don’t despair.
Just imagine them as being a child who doesn’t know how to react better while discovering their own vulnerability.
Create a safe space for them to let the child within express their pain and disappointment.
No matter how silly the causes might seem to you.
Don’t humiliate them and don’t express criticism just because you can.
Just remember that you probably do the same when some unconscious trigger is being pulled. But you just don’t realize it.
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Apply the same generosity concerning the quirks of the other and their small pains as you would wish them to do for you.
Treating your partner like a child might seem condescending. But if you do it right, with grace and kindness, it might considerably improve your relationship. This is probably the only way you can truly get the sparkle back and reconnect with your beloved.
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