Did you ever have that feeling that you are lost in your own life? That you don’t know who you are anymore? And did it happen to you to write, sing or paint and to suddenly feel better? How come we can lose our self and how come the smallest creative gesture can bring it back?
There are many definitions of the self, but the most appropriate metaphor is the one used by the therapist Richard Schwartz. For him, the self is an orchestra conductor who connects and harmonizes the other sub-personalities. It makes them work together for our own benefit and development.
From this perspective, what we experience as the lost self is actually the self being overtaken by other parts of ourselves.
The judgmental part, the angry part or the substance-abuser part can clutter the self.
These parts are often born during childhood, when we are extremely vulnerable. During adulthood, they come to the surface in very intense emotional situations.
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Even though these parts can lead to destructive paths, their original role was to protect us. The fragmentation of the self is often a result of having neglectful or overbearing parents who did not satisfy our emotional needs.
If we grew up in a family that had no appreciation for our creative talents or sensibility, it’s no wonder we end up thinking they are less desirable parts of ourselves.
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What creative acts manage to do is to reconnect us to our own self, to our inner world in all its diversity and beauty.
That’s why starting that novel you’ve always dreamed about or finally booking a concert hall can be a source of anxiety. The parts of yourself that you buried and tried to forget about might come to the surface. And you are afraid that you might not like what you see.
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On the other hand, creativity may be the way out of any kind of crisis.
Let the conductor within start a dialogue with the hidden parts of yourself. Let them speak and air out their tensions and their claims.
You might find out that the inner conflict that tortures you now is not forever. Write, dance, sing and you will reconnect yourself to a source of power, courage and truth. And you will feel better.
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