Most people want to be nice and be considered as such. They understand by that having a strong moral core, respecting others and doing their best to help others. But is there such a thing as being too nice? How do you know you’re too nice and what does that really mean?
In an ideal world, there wouldn’t be such a thing as being too nice. Being nice, compassionate and tolerant, patient and ready to make others feel good about themselves should be celebrated and respected. Unfortunately, this is not the case. When you are determined to follow your moral compass no matter what, people will try to take advantage of it. And you start asking yourself: Am I too nice?
The dark side of being too nice is that it might stem from an inability to set out boundaries. Which in turn can be explained by a low self-esteem. When you don’t really like yourself, when you don’t consider yourself to be as good as others, you unconsciously try to gain their respect by pleasing everybody.
Being a peacekeeper is wonderful thing to be in this world. But are you trying to keep the peace because you cannot handle conflict? Because you are afraid to stand up for yourself? Are you unable to set healthy boundaries and enforce them? Do you retreat when you should fight for yourself?
You should be careful about this kind of behavior. While people might encourage it, some of them even truly respect it, you know that your niceness comes with a high price. That there’s an effort behind it.
When does being called “nice” loses its meaning and becomes not a compliment, but an insult? Well, when people take advantage of your agreeable and accommodating nature, when you feel that this is the only thing that you are allowed to be in the world: a nice person.
While you should cherish your compassionate nature and peacemaker skills, you should also learn to set boundaries. You should learn how and when to say “no”, when you shouldn’t give in and do things you don’t really want to do just to make sure you don’t upset others. Otherwise, you might wake up one day and realize that your compassion has turned into resentment.
Turn your compassion towards yourself and see what more do you need from your current interactions? Do you want more respect? More understanding of your weaknesses? More tolerance? What do you really need that you feel your amenity has held you back from getting?
You don’t have to become a life-sucking narcissist who would do anything to get ahead. All you need to do is find the right balance between compassion for others and self-respect. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it! Please, share this!