Our parents pass on many different things to us, besides their genes. How emotionally available they are in your life as a kid will dictate how you will behave as an adult. Chances are some of us have been neglected and others over-protected.
Whether your parents were too cold or too protective of you as you were growing up has a tremendous impact over your thoughts and actions as an adult. These effects are often overlooked sadly.
Emotional abandonment is one of the many troubling things we may experience as children. Here are 4 forms of emotional abandonment which reflect traditional (and unhealthy) parenting:
1. High expectations
There are some parents who expect their children to be the greatest. They want them to perform at their best with every occasion, but will not help them achieve their potential. In other words, these parents expect the best from their kids but without offering them the support and guide they need.
Because this aspect is neglected all throughout their childhood, these kids grow up to feel worthless. And they are developing into adults who will never ask anyone for help, simply because they were forced to handle things on their own while growing up.
2. Not listening
Supposedly, children should keep quiet when adults talk because adults have important matters to discuss. The implication is that kids are not worthy of being listened to. And this is a huge problem, even in today’s society. We sometimes hush our kids so we can chit-chat with our friend or acquaintance.
This attitude can lead up to serious damage for the later grown-ups. They may have issues speaking or standing up for themselves or develop self-esteem problems. Needless to say, they will pass this on to their own kids.
3. Narcissistic tendencies
Parents who display this kind of behavior with their children can cause a great amount of damage in their lives. These people would prefer to have the spotlight on them at all times and so neglect or dismiss their child’s achievements.
This has serious implications for a child’s self-esteem. Having dealt with a shameful attitude towards them, they grow up to be insecure adults. These deep-rooted insecurities may cause long-term disruptions in their personal as well as professional lives.
4. A laissez-faire attitude
At the opposite end of the controlling parent lies the parent with a laissez-faire attitude. In this case, emotional abandonment is quite literally abandon. At a first sight, this may sound cool for kids. I mean every kid, especially teenager, wants to be left alone. But being left to deal with life on your own at a very young age is the equivalent of being sent out in space all by yourself.
Children who are allowed complete freedom will never learn about boundaries. As adults, they will expect everything to just go their way. And they will expect laissez-faire attitude from their partner and co-workers as well. Obviously, this will create a series of problems.
If properly addressed, emotional abandonment can be healed over time. The key is about getting to the root of the problems and becoming aware of the patterns inherited from our parents. Once we are able to spot them, along with our emotional triggers, we have to unlearn them. It’s not an easy process, but self-love is what will bring us there.