So you’re in a long term relationship. Perfect, since you wanted it and fought for it. But now, after a long day at work, you have no desire to cook dinner, you just want to lie in bed with a good book. So is your significant other. What do you do? Do you sacrifice your own desire for the sake of the relationship or do you start complaining and eventually fight?
Of course, it depends on your personality, on how conflict avoidant you are or how much do you care about reading that book.
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Suppressing your desires and needs doesn’t always work.
If you enter a pattern where you are always sacrificing, chances are you’ll feel resentful and depressed with time. Your partner won’t really benefit either, since they will be able to sense your true feelings.
But still, sacrifice is inevitable. When is it a good idea and when does it start doing more harm than good?
It depends a lot on the nature of your relationship. If you are in supportive relationship, in which you encourage and listen to each other, where you manifest your care and are willing to understand each other thoughts and feelings, then occasionally sacrificing what you want for their benefit is fine.
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Basically it’s a matter of costs and benefits.
Putting your needs and desires aside is a cost that you pay for the good of the relationship.
But being cared for, encouraged and understood is a benefit that compensates your sacrifice and makes it worth it.
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In this type of relationship, making a sacrifice is an act of kindness, not a source of anxiety or resentment.
In other words, it’s worth doing it if you take turns in supporting each other, in sacrificing temporary desires to build a relationship where both of you feel satisfied and cared for. Please share!
