We all know that communication is key to a good relationship. But many of us are unaware of the mistakes we make when we do communicate. Here the most common ones.
1. We say “I totally understand” or a version of it
When we say something like “I get it” our intention is to make the other feel understood and appreciated. But according to psychologists, it has the opposite effect. And that’s because it’s not up to you to say that you understand what the other has to say. It’s up to them to decide whether or not you truly understood what they were trying to communicate. Otherwise, your statement may come across as arrogant and it might deepen the conflict.
MORE: How To Compromise In A Relationship To Make It Grow
2. We say “Yes, but…”
When we say something like: “You are right, but…”, what the other hears is that you are anxious to get to the objection part of your statement. Consider the difference between “I appreciate that you cleaned after yourself, but I need you to do it more often” and “I appreciate that you cleaned after yourself AND I need you to do it more often”. It’s a small difference, but one that conveys that your partner’s effort is not overlooked.
MORE: 3 Compromises You Should Never Make In Your Relationship
3. We get defensive
Being defensive is an automatic response to a situation that we consider threatening or overwhelming. It’s your partner reaching for the salt during a meal that you cooked and you starting to list all the things you had to do during that day besides cooking. The simplest way to control this kind of reaction is to just take a break from the argument and think objectively about what caused the reaction. This way, you can come back with a more constructive attitude.
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4. We are judgmental
Whenever we say something like “You’re too sensitive” or “You don’t make any sense”, the only thing that you communicate is an insult and a disregard for your partner’s feeling. In that moment, you don’t really listen what the other has to say, you are just looking for holes in their argument. In other words, you behave like an attorney, not like a friend. And if you make a habit out of it, you might need an attorney soon.
Keep this in mind the next time you have an argument with your partner! Please, share this!
